Maybe by saying my life has been crazy, and I hate that we don't have Internet so I can blog more. I set it up from my phone....but you can see where that got me, nowhere! :) We have moved, and are somewhat settled in our new home. The boys are in school. Two out of the three are in all day school. I won't lie...it's amazing! School is good for them! My hubby got a new job that will allow him to be off work by 4:00 Monday-Friday. We are so excited! It definitely beats the working until 8, 9, 10 on some nights. Right now he is at his annual training for the AZ National Guard, and has been for a week and a half. We get to meet up with him this Friday, and we will all be coming home Sunday as a family. Can't wait!!!
I don't think I have announced this yet, but my super cute newly married little sister is pregnant. I am SO happy for her. I feel bad that she doesn't get to have a blissful first pregnancy because in the back of her mind will always be, "Is my baby going to die?" It's not only my reality, but the reality of those closest to me. I feel bad for her, but I know her little sprout will be okay.
I have come to the decision that we are done having babies. It is time for me to focus on me now. I know it's right because I am not sad about it, I am at peace with it. Maybe down the road my mind will change, but for now I can confidently say 'we are done.' I love my boys, but having 3 boys within 4 years, plus suffering two losses have done me in! By the way, I went to my high risk OB to talk about the future child bearing. He told me I have a 75% chance of having a healthy baby. He has NO idea what caused my losses. He did blood tests on my thyroid, and to see if I developed some sort of autoimmune disorder that would have cause my losses. I thought FOR SURE my thyroid would come back abnormal. My hair lost all it's pigment, I was SO exhausted all the time, I had bad breakouts all over my back and arms...but the tests ALL came back normal. My hair color has come back, my body is somewhat normal now. Turns out, the loss of pigment was just due to grieving. It was just SO weird that it happened, but that is the only conclusion I have come to.
Anyways, back to me. :D I have lost 13 or so pounds since I delivered Kayden, I feel great! I still have lots of work to do, but I'm on my way! I am moving forward, my sweet angels have given me my life back, and I am going to do something great with it(other than the obvious very important job of being a wife and mother)!
"'Rainbow Babies' is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy, and hope." Since we lost our "rainbow baby," It's safe to say we are chasing rainbows, looking for our calm after the storms.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
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3 comments:
I'm so ready for tomm, my kiddos start school! Yay! I was about where you are, and God surprised me. I didn't expect to get pregnant;) I think its awesome all the working out I've seen you talking about!! Grief took a toll on my body too. I'm ready to reclaim it! I'm glad we are facebook friends and I found your blog;) you're a sweetie. I'll pray for your little sister and her baby!
Thank you for your prayers. And thank you Mel for the shout-out! Don't you worry about me... I know everything will be ok now with my little lady. She is reminding me every day that she is alive and well. :) Love you sister!! You keep up all your amazing work! Love you!
I found your blog on faces of loss, faces of hope. I am so sorry. I too lost my baby, Lily Katherine, who was stillborn at fullterm on March 16, 2010. It's good to find people who 'get it' in the blogging community. I'd love to have you follow along on my blog as well; www.roseandherlily.blogspot.com
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